ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
