How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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