all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
