tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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