the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
