WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
