I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
