Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
