How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
