hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize