just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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