Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
