I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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