A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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