My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
