yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
