just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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