This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Are we still banned from the library?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
