You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
