I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
