Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
