Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
