That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
