So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
