Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
