fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
