I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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