omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
