i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
