I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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