I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
