you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
