last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
