I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
