I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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