i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
