Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Randomize
