Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
