if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
