you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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