We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
