when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
