At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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