did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize