butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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