even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
