the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
