I wanna bring you to show and tell
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
