walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
