Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
