Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
