i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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