dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize