You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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