I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
