When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
