Pappa wants mamma naked
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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