Little spoons don't ask big questions
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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