That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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