RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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