you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Randomize
