I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
