i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
