No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We're too hungover to prance.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
