I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
