My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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